


It Gets Easier

by vsulli



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, there's death so like don't be alarmed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-12 23:24:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13557783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vsulli/pseuds/vsulli
Summary: Inej learns how to kill and accepts that it’s a necessity with the Dregs





	It Gets Easier

Kaz meant to ignore it, knowing that coddling her about it would just give her a reason to never do it again. Even if it was necessary. Hearing the muffled sobs coming from her room made him pause on his way up the steps, however, he walked on, to his own office before shutting the door to cut him off from the sound. Sitting at his desk, he found himself unable to concentrate on the work in front of him, the maps blurring and thoughts trailing, not being able to keep his mind off of the crying girl just the floor below him. 

He remembered the scared look in her eyes when she looked up at him, the tip of her knife held to the man’s throat, denting but not puncturing the skin. The man had tried his hand at stealing from Kaz, and even if Kaz was the one who took him down, he needed Inej to experience what life would be like with the Dregs. He needed her to do it, for her to feel what it was like to kill for the sake of killing. She wouldn’t survive if she didn’t.

She’d told him about how she’d thought about doing it, but how she would never, that taking someone’s life was not worth the pain it would cause her later. He told her to just imagine she was slicing through all the men who walked through the pleasure houses, who used the disguises to hide their shame, not wanting to admit they found release with the slaves of Haleen Van Houden. Without those men, the slavers would have no reason to take little girls from their wagons when they slept in too late. Something flicked in her eyes and Kaz let himself smile, he didn’t find joy in corrupting others, especially ones like Inej, but there was something satisfying about being able to cause a saint worshiper to commit a sin. She pressed the knife deep into the man’s throat, his eyes bulging before she let him slide down to a heap at her feet. 

“The first one is the hardest,” he’d told her, making a point to ignore the tears that were rolling over her cheeks, “you’ll learn to do it without a thought, you’ll learn that every man and woman who wraps themselves around your feet are all bad people, Inej, every one of them. They’ve all had thoughts and have done things that would be looked down on by your treasured Saints. Every single one.” She said nothing at first, just stared down at the man and at her now bloodied weapon, the anger that he’d seen in her before completely vanishing now at the sight of them.

“Everyone has bad thoughts, Kaz, but not everyone is a bad person who deserves to die,” she whispered, slowly looking up at him. 

He kept his face straight, even as she turned and ran off towards the Slat, taking the streets instead of the rooftops like she’d learn to do. She didn’t know the Barrel like he did, though, and he’d reached the unsteady building before she even stepped foot on the narrow street. When she entered, the tears were gone, but her frown remained, looking as if it would stay etched on her face for the rest of her time with his gang. When she stopped in front of him, he expected her to say something profound, something that she’d think would change his mind about how he ran his life and the Dregs. She said nothing, she just dropped the bone-handled knife, still covered in red, onto his lap before dashing up the stairs. Even as she ran on the otherwise creaky steps, she made no noise, he didn’t let himself watch her, though, no, he swept his eyes over the others who sat around him, giving them a warning to go back to their own business. 

He spun the knife now, the tip slowly drilling a tiny hole where it rested on his door-topped desk. His trek up the stairs was for the purpose of giving it back to her but hearing her had caused him to pause and change course. He’d give it back to her the next day, without a word just as she’d done to him, and a stern look, telling her she made her choice. She wanted him to teach her and this was how he taught. 

It happened again, this time he was sure she’d find it more justified, something she had no reason to cry over. He still heard her though, alone, thinking about what she had done to the man who now laid at the bottom of a canal. This time when he paused, he chose to walk down the rest of the hall, stopping in front of her bedroom door, away from the escape the stairs could easily give him. She opened the door to his surprise, looking at her, he cursed himself for not staying where he was, he could have been locked in his room before she even turned the handle to hers. He stayed as she walked out, wiping at her eyes before she looked up and noticed him standing there. Her eyes had widened but she straightened, trying to look tough in front of her boss. He knew she knew he heard her, but she said nothing about it. 

“He was with the Zemeni girl, hardly eleven years old, Wraith.” 

“He deserved to die, I wished to do it, but I,” she paused, not wanting to express to him she still felt wrong about taking a life that didn’t belong to her. That man’s life belonged to the little girl, one of Tante Haleen’s, the Zemeni fawn who’d come in the day she was following Kaz out. That man’s life belonged to the girl and she should have been the one holding the dagger. 

“Then use that as your purpose for it, we’re not all doing this for good reasons but that doesn’t have to be you, you can do it for those who can’t.” 

“And when I’m not doing it to protect?”

“Play pretend, its what you were taught to do at The Menagerie, right? Imagine its someone else, you’re protecting someone from something with every swipe of those knives and that should be enough.”

His words seemed to have stuck with her, and he silently watched as she moved from man to man, slicing through each one, seeming to have no thoughts but to get her own crew safe. Without her that day, him and the few Dregs he’d brought would have been the ones laying in their own blood on the floor. It was a deal gone wrong, the opposing gang had shot first and the Wraith sliced last. The rest of them stared at her, shocked by what had become of the quiet girl who’d joined them hardly four months prior. They knew the answer, it was Kaz, always Kaz. 

“What were you protecting today, Wraith?” He asked as they walked back, “what needed your help so badly that you took down six men before six others could draw their weapons?” 

“I was tired, and I was protecting my right to go to sleep at a reasonable hour.” 

The answer made him laugh, but he knew she only said it to get away from the topic. She didn’t like talking about death, about being the cause of it, and no one questioned her. Kaz was just happy he had someone he could rely on watching for his crew. He should have been ashamed of what he created, but he reveled in it, his investment paid off and Per Haskell would praise him for it. Looking back, he found her gone, he’d probably look up at the Slat later and see her praying at her small window, for herself to be forgiven or for the lives she took to be given a new chance. He told her to pretend and that was what she started doing, but all the pretending in the world couldn’t change a person. It was the experiences that did that, and Kaz wondered what experiences would cause Inej to become like him, void of all beliefs and filled with enough anger to commit any sin if it was profitable. He did see her in the window that night, but she wasn’t praying, she was sharpening her knives and he froze, a tiny smirk slowly lifting the corners of his mouth. 


End file.
